


Gabriel and the Great Goose of Terror

by NotaChicken



Category: Good Omens (TV), Untitled Goose Game (Video Game)
Genre: Background Aziraphale/Crowley, Gabriel's having a bad day, actually God is too amused to help, aggressive honking, and so the goose is unstoppable, crackfic, excessive honking, made up Heaven geography, there is no God only Goose, what happens if a goose is set loose in Heaven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-20 15:00:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21283607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotaChicken/pseuds/NotaChicken
Summary: A strange package arrives in Heaven. An unnamed angel opens it and finds it empty. Not having the imagination to see what this implies the angel miracles the box away and continues with their daily duties, blissfully unaware that the horror that had originally been hiding in the box has already been unleashed.
Comments: 97
Kudos: 279





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have seen the goose game. I have fallen in love with the goose game. I have seen this lovely comic https://moonplata.tumblr.com/post/188111235369/oh-no and I have been struck by inspiration at 2am. Skip ahead a few weeks and this madness was created.
> 
> If you don’t know The Untitled Goose Game, it’s a game where you play as a goose and terrorize innocent people by stealing their stuff and honking at them because it’s fun.  
Also, important! If you don’t know, the sound a goose makes is called a “Honk” in the game so that’s what I’m going to use.  
If you still have no idea what to imagine, here's a trailer for the game: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V-Z_ubqoyUw
> 
> The title is a mixture of me noticing that both "Gabriel" and "goose" start with the letter G and my resulting need of vaguely going for an alliteration. Then I suddenly remembered the Phineas and Ferb episode called "Terrifying Tri-State Trilogy of Terror" which is also an alliteration, but ends with "of Terror" so I mixed the two together.
> 
> Now, technically the story is part of the same universe as "Joining forces with the devil" (another story I wrote) so if we want to be precise this fic should also belong into the "Lucifer TV" fandom, but since barely anything from the show has any impact here I decided not to tag it.  
The only things form Lucifer are that the city in Heaven is called the "Silver City" and that Uriel has the ability to predict patterns. Also some of the archangels see each other as siblings, but it doesn't really matter.
> 
> On a different note, if you're interested, the descriptions of the Silver City are roughly based on what little we could see of Heaven in Good Omens by looking out the window. Everything else is made up by me (all we learn in Lucifer is the name, there are barely any descriptions of Heaven).
> 
> *** indicate a change in POV
> 
> Finally, all comments are appreciated, even if it's just to tell me about a typo :)

Crowley stuck the final piece of tape on the box in front of him and took a step back. It was done. The _Celestial Observer_ had been tipped off that something interesting was about to take place. He had spent the entire night researching spells in order to make sure no one would be able to stop the events he was about to set in motion from happening. The box was secure and had the appropriate amount of air holes. All he had to do now was to track down that delivery guy from _International Express_ and wait. This was going to be amazing.

Aziraphale entered the back room of his bookshop, frowning at his books of magic being scattered across the table.

Then his eyes fell on the box and curiosity overpowered his need for scolding. “What’s this?”

Crowley turned towards him, taking him by the shoulders and looking him in the eyes. His voice was deadly serious when he spoke.

“My greatest plan yet.”

***

It was a quiet day in Heaven. A good day. Downright peaceful. For once the paperwork had gotten done quickly and no unexpected reports had added to Gabriel’s already massive workload. The archangel leaned back in his chair, stretching his arms above his head. For the first time in months he might actually be able to finish up early. Maybe go for a jog.

After neatly stacking the papers on his desk he stood up, reaching for the keys to his office. His hand grasped at nothing and he frowned, scanning the table. Where were his keys? He was sure he had placed them right next to his scarf. Gabriel picked up the piece of clothing and checked below it. Not there either. He walked around the table and looked under it. Still nothing.

He scratched his head. How odd. Had he dropped them somewhere without noticing? But when could that have happened? He hadn’t left the office all day.

There was a loud crash and the archangel turned around, noticing that the door to his office had been left ajar. With a sigh he walked outside.

“What was that racket?”

He fell silent, seeing that the hall was empty. No angels anywhere in sight. But over by the wall the usually neatly stacked celestial hoverboards had fallen to the floor which was presumably the noise he had heard. Shaking his head Gabriel walked over, kneeling down to clean up the mess.

He had only picked up the first hoverboard when he heard a strange sound behind him. Like the quiet patting of feet. He turned around, but no one was there. Had he imagined it? Feeling slightly unsettled the archangel took a few steps further down the hall, walking between the rows of pillars and looking around.

There was that sound again! Gabriel whirled around, taking a defensive stance, lightning dancing around his fingers. No one was there. This was starting to get distressing. He was sure he had heard it this time! Taps, taps, taps, taps, taps. Yes, just like that. Taps, taps, taps, wait.

Gabriel turned his head and saw a white bird emerge from behind a pillar, its walk a silly waddle. It was quite large, reaching the archangel almost up to the hip, had a long neck and flat, orange feet. Gabriel had heard of these kinds of birds, uh… sparrow, he thought they were called. Wait, no. Stork. That was it. A stork. But what was it doing here?

The archangel’s stance relaxed, trying not to make any sudden movements. Earth birds were very stupid, running away from larger life forms quite easily. He had to handle this carefully. Crouching down a bit Gabriel inched forward. The stork must have noticed something because it turned to look at him. The archangel froze. Were those his keys hanging from the animal’s beak?

Slowly, very slowly Gabriel stretched out his hand. “Do not be afraid, earth bird…”

The stork looked at him, its eyes an endless depth of black. It felt as if it was staring right into the archangel’s soul. It took a cautious step back.

“No, no. Don’t run away.” Gabriel held the bird’s gaze, shuffling closer. “Come on, give me my keys.”

“Honk!”

The archangel flinched, not having expected the animal to make a noise.

Collecting himself he reached out again. “My keys.”

“Honk, honk!” The stork backed away from his hand, keeping the keys just out of reach. “Honk.”

Was it trying to tell him something? If so it was not doing a good job at communicating what it was. Gabriel was starting to lose his patience.

“My keys”, he said firmly, raising his voice. “Drop them.”

“Honk!”

Having had enough the archangel leaped forward, trying to retrieve his keys as he did so. The stork jumped away and started to run.

“Come back here!” Gabriel stood up and attempted to grab the bird, but it was too quick, already zig-zagging between the pillars.

The archangel sighed, clapping his hands to freeze the animal in place. Nothing happened. Frowning Gabriel tried again with the same result. Then he imagined a cage dropping down on the bird. Still nothing. What was the meaning of this? He focused and a fishnet fell into his hands. So his powers weren’t the problem, they still worked fine. That was… odd, but alright. Change of plans then.

Gabriel hurried after the bird, doing his best to corner it. Then he threw the net and watched in shock as it changed course mid-air, avoiding the stork at the last second who proceeded to run past him. What was going on?! Was the animal enchanted? Was it magic? But he thought magic animals had gone extinct long ago.

The archangel chased after the stork, making it quicken its step and dashing back between the pillars, running in circles until the immortal had to stop, feeling dizzy. Shaking his head he got rid of the feeling, catching his breath. Then he narrowed his eyes. He had lost sight of the animal.

Staying completely silent Gabriel strained his ears, listening for the pitter-patter of the bird’s feet. He couldn’t hear it. Slowly he turned in place, looking at every corner of the hall. Where was it?

“HONK!”

Gabriel jumped, unfurling his wings in his shock. The sound had come from directly behind him! He whirled around to face the stork standing a few feet away, beating its wings at him in a dominant manner and honking aggressively. Accepting the challenge Gabriel rose to his full height and flapped back. Maybe that would intimidate the animal.

It didn’t. When the archangel tried again to grab his keys, the stork dropped them and bit his finger, before picking them back up and dashing towards the exit with a final, decisive honk.

“Wait, don’t go there!” Shaking his aching finger Gabriel gave chase, only to stumble after the first few steps and fall flat on his face. When had that feathered nightmare managed to untie his shoelaces?!

By the time he reached the sliding doors leading outside the bird had already managed to disappear somewhere. Squinting the archangel scanned his surroundings. He spotted the stork in the distance, running towards the large fountain located in the center of the square between the office buildings.

Gabriel took after it, but the animal was faster. It jumped on the small wall of the fountain, slipped into the water and swam to the statue standing on a podium in the middle. It was a sculpture, roughly three meters tall, of Metatron holding a scroll and pointing at it, meant to symbolize wisdom and responsibility. Holy water was flowing down his marble robe, making it sparkle in Heaven’s ever-present divine light. And now there was a bird sitting on his feet, turning to look at its pursuer.

Gabriel abruptly stopped in his tracks.

“Don’t…”, he said, threateningly.

The stork stretched its neck, holing his keys over the water.

The archangel raised his palms. “Don’t you dare!”

Maintaining eye contact the bird dropped the keys into the fountain.

Gabriel lost it. He was so mad he couldn’t even form a coherent response, sputtering something between gritted teeth before racing to the center of the square. The stork, of course, was already fleeing.

“Get back here!”

The archangel paused, staring at the fountain. He needed those keys. The lock to his office was, as customary in Heaven, completely magic proof for security reasons. But it wouldn’t do to use a miracle on one of the Blessed Fountains. It would be sacrilege. They were not to be altered by magic under any circumstances. Not even by doing something so small like getting out an object.

Cursing under his breath Gabriel resigned to his fate and climbed into the fountain, grimacing when the cold water soaked his pants all the way to his thighs. He waded a few steps forward and leaned down, retrieving the keys. Then he jumped up and launched himself into the air, drying his clothes with a thought. Now where was that stork?!

Gabriel flew higher, gliding above the office buildings and looking into every street. There was no sign of the animal anywhere. Frowning he landed by the training grounds, cautiously glancing around. It couldn’t have gotten too far, right?

“Gabriel!”, a voice called out.

The archangel turned to see Michael walking towards him, a small smile on her face.

“Finally came to get a bit of training in?”, she asked. “About time. We haven’t had a good spar in ages.”

Gabriel shook his head, looking around. “I’m afraid not.”

Michael frowned. “Your feathers look a bit ruffled”, she noted. “Is everything alright?”

Still tense Gabriel gestured for her to come closer.

“No, there is a problem. And I think you’re just the right angel to help me”, he said, keeping his voice low. “Have you seen a bird around here somewhere?”

His sister raised an eyebrow. “A bird?”

“Yes”, Gabriel nodded. “A stork. I think it went this way.”

“What would an earth animal be doing in Heaven?”, Michael asked, still skeptic.

“I don’t know! But it’s causing no end of trouble.”

“A stork”, she repeated. “Causing you trouble.”

He took her by the shoulders.

“You don’t understand!” Gabriel looked her in the eyes. “It’s evil.”

Michael pointed behind him. “You mean that thing?”

He whirled around to see the bird standing innocently next to one of the training dummies.

Gabriel let out a gasp, gripping his sister’s arm. “Yes, there it is!”

He could see the animal batting its eyelashes at them and cutely wiggling its tail feathers as if it couldn’t do anything wrong. It was mocking him. But Gabriel had seen its true colors. He saw through its act!

“Be careful! We don’t know what kind of wicked plan this stork will hatch out next!”

Michael gave him a long look. “…That’s a goose, Gabriel.”

“Alright, goose, fine, whatever!” Gabriel flapped his wings in exasperation. “You’re missing the point! If we don’t contain it, it will become a hazard to all the angels!”

His sister shook her head. “It’s just a goose, Gabriel.”

“Don’t be fooled! It’s-“ Gabriel froze mortified, scanning the training grounds. “Where is it? Where did it go?!”

“Huh?” Michael looked around as well, visibly surprised. “Quick little bugger, isn’t it?”

Gabriel’s face became blank, staring past her. “It has your spear.”

Her expression turned serious. “What.”

“It has your spear and it’s going to throw it off the edge!”

“What?!” Michael spun around to see the bird pulling her weapon towards the edge of Heaven. “No, no, no, no, no!”

She dashed forward, but it was too late. The spear was already falling, making the goose break out into triumphant honking before making a run for it.

“My spear!” Michael sprinted past the animal and jumped over the edge, her wings unfurling in one fluid motion.

“See? SEE?!”, Gabriel called after her before following the bird.

A chase began. A literal, wild goose chase. From the training grounds to back between the office buildings, into the archives (spilling paper everywhere), through a meeting room (interrupting a presentation), out onto the Emerald Lawn (startling the resting angels), nine times around the Pillar of Righteousness (which made Gabriel’s head spin) and between a chorus of singing angels (disrupting their performance and leading to the goose stealing a small trumpet which it was somehow able to play) before the bird finally set its sight on the Silver City and managed to disappear between the buildings.

Gabriel set into the sky, flying high above the ground in hopes of locating the animal. It was nowhere to be seen. This was a disaster! He had to do something!

A golden horn appeared in the archangel’s hands and he blew into it, the sound alerting all nearby angels. Gabriel altered his voice so it would carry throughout the city.

“Attention all units! There’s a rampaging goose loose in the Silver City! Don’t let its innocent looks deceive you! It’s a formidable enemy of extremely high intelligence, immune to magic and an expert in both stealth and combat! Proceed with caution! I need you to find it and remove it from this realm by any means necessary! Just GET THAT GOOSE!”

He could see various angels react to his speech, flying into the air and scanning the area carefully. Having calmed down a bit Gabriel decided to land, panting slightly. Even he had gotten somewhat out of breath after all this running around. Now where was this flat-footed horror? Looking around Gabriel stepped closer to one of the buildings, feeling safer with his back to a wall. There was a strange scratching sound coming from above him. He reacted just a little too late. Something fell on his head. The last thing he heard before drifting away was the distorted sound of honking.

“Gabriel? Gabriel, wake up!”

Someone shook him and the archangel opened his eyes. It turned out to be Uriel.

With a groan Gabriel sat up. “What happened?”

His head was aching so he willed the feeling away. There was a broken flowerpot lying next to him on the ground.

“See for yourself.” Uriel reached out a hand and Gabriel took it, getting back on his feet before flying into the air. Uriel followed after him.

He couldn’t have been out for too long, but the city was in chaos. Angels were screaming and running through the streets or flying around aimlessly. One had climbed a pillar in their panic and refused to get back down. Another was holding the remains of a broken statue trying to glue it back together. The two archangels hurried along, following the destruction.

“It got my sandal!”

“Nooooo!”

“Why is it making these noises?!”

“Lord, help us!”

“Give that back, it’s mine!”

Gabriel spotted Michael standing on top of a tower and directed his flight towards her.

“What’s the status?”, he asked, folding his wings.

Michael was gripping her spear tightly, a grim expression on her face. “The goose has been making its way through the city with seemingly no rhyme or reason to it. It broke our best printer, scared a crowd of human souls, managed to push a bucket onto Sandalphon's head and trapped him inside the Temple of Salt. It’s as if it knew we wouldn’t be able to use miracles in there. We’re still looking for the keys.” She shook her head, looking over the city. “No one can stop it. At this rate the entirety of Heaven is going to be thrown in disarray.”

“We can’t let that happen!”, Gabriel declared, turning to Uriel. “What’s our strategy?”

Uriel closed their eyes, trying to see possible futures by predicting the patterns the goose might follow. After a few moments they opened them again.

“Our best shot is to cut it off on its way to the pyramids and then chase it towards the nearest gateway to earth. Everything should fall into place as long as we allow it to keep the crown it stole from Jehudiel.”

In the sky a big screen appeared, the one the Metatron usually used if there was an important announcement. But this time the Voice of God was nowhere to be seen. Instead an enormous goose head was displayed in the sky, apparently way too close to the projector circle as it was only partially visible. Its eye moved even closer as the animal tried to get a better look. It seemed confused. Gabriel knew what was about to happen a split second before it actually did.

“Cover your ears!”, he shouted, already pressing his hands to the sides of his head.

The next moment the goose gave a HONK so loud in echoed throughout all of the Silver City and made Gabriel’s head hurt. The archangels swayed on their feet and beat their wings to stay upright, the sound waves breaking several windows below.

“We need to hurry!”, Uriel declared, spreading their wings and jumping off the edge of the tower.

Above them a muffled voice called out. “Get away from there!”

It was the Metatron. There was the panicked beating of wings accompanied by more honking, then the goose’s image disappeared from the sky. Footsteps followed it and there was the crash of something breaking, then the transmission disappeared entirely.

Michael and Gabriel exchanged a worried look and hurried after Uriel towards the pyramids. They passed several angels flying in squads above the city, weapons in hand. Seems his sister had mobilized the military. Under other circumstances Gabriel would have thought it excessive, but in this case he fully approved. Force seemed to be the only solution at this point.

Suddenly the tips of the pyramids began to glow and Gabriel’s eyes widened. He beat his wings to slow his flight, coming to a halt in mid-air.

“Michael-“

“I see it”, she interrupted. “Get down!”

They split up, Michael rushing to the side while Gabriel fell into a sudden dive. Not a second too late. The pyramid's built in defensive system had been activated, shooting beams of light at random and hitting parts of the city.

Gabriel spun to the side, narrowly dodging one of the beams and flying back up. “It must have pressed the buttons in Metatron’s office!”

“You don’t say!” Michael did a spiral upwards, gracefully avoiding the magic attacks before raising her spear. “I’ll take care of this!”

She shot towards the pyramids. Meanwhile Gabriel rushed between the panicked squads of patrolling angels, pushing one out of the way of an oncoming beam.

“What are you doing, you idiot?!” Gabriel brightened his halo to get the other angels’ attention. “Don’t just hover in place! Defensive maneuvers, now! Follow my lead!”

He flew at the top of the flock and shot upwards, signaling them when to burst apart, gather and dive. Less than a minute later there was an explosion and one of the pyramids stopped glowing. Soon after the other two followed, Michael racing around them with spear in hand.

“Gabriel!” From afar he could see Uriel waving their hands at him before pointing at the road between two of the pyramids. “There it is!”

Gabriel narrowed his eyes and could see a white silhouette hurrying in the shadows. The archangel sped up, racing above it in the blink of an eye, lightning crackling along his wings.

“Don’t let it escape again!”, he called. “We need to chase it to one of the gates!”

“On it”, Uriel replied, turning into one of the side streets, most likely to cut the goose off later.

Meanwhile Michael flew parallel to Gabriel, throwing her spear in front of the animal so it changed course and ran towards the gates. At the next crossroad Uriel showed up again, landing on the street and waving their wings and arms, effectively blocking one of the paths. Irritated the goose took the only way left and steered towards the main office building.

“Almost!” Gabriel flicked his finger and opened the door to the office, chasing the bird inside.

With Michael’s and Uriel’s help he then managed to direct the bird to the doors leading to the escalators down to earth. Giving an irritated honk the goose ran outside. Gabriel slammed the doors shut. After a moment to catch his breath he made a large paper appear, hung it into the air and ran his finger over it. A few seconds later he opened the doors to the gates again and attached the paper to the outside of the doors with a tiny miracle.

“AND STAY OUT!”, he shouted.

The doors slammed shut again.

From behind a corner the bird waddled towards the doors and stared at the paper. A poorly drawn goose that had been crossed out stared back. The animal tilted its head, then gripped the corner of the paper with its beak and pulled at it until it managed to rip it off before dragging it towards the escalator.

The paper was pulled between the moving stairs and crumpled completely. The goose watched in satisfaction, riding the mechanism down until it passed through the realms and ended up back on earth. But instead of walking outside and returning home it suddenly stopped, looking at the floor to its right. There was a reflection of the escalator.

Following the strange intuition that only a goose could have, it approached the second set of mechanical stairs… and stepped onto them. What was this? It seemed the day had only just begun! Pleased the bird wiggled its tail feathers, already gathering ideas for a new to-do list as it sunk into the floor. This was going to be fun.

***

Beelzebub was sitting in her office when the sound of screams reached her ears. That in itself was nothing unusual. This was Hell, after all. But the screams she was hearing right now weren’t cries of tortured agony, instead sounding more like shrieks of absolute terror. One couldn’t work down here for as long as she had without knowing how to tell the difference.

Sighing deeply Beelzebub stood up and walked outside her office. “What is going on?”

She froze. Were they under attack?! Everything was on fire. Demons were running all over the place, desks were turned over, some of the furniture destroyed. The Lord of the Flies grabbed one of the fleeing demons by the arm, pulling him towards her.

“What izzz the meaning of this?!”

“It’s a monster!”, the demon cried, trying to free himself from her grip.

Beelzebub’s eyes narrowed. “Where?”

The demon pointed towards the center of the room with a shaking hand. She let him go. Standing in midst the chaos was a goose, head proudly raised in the air and showing off a golden crown around its neck. Maybe feeling Beelzebub’s gaze on it the animal turned to look at her, its eyes filled with… malice?

The Lord of the Flies stood up straight, not allowing herself to be intimidated.

Without fear the goose took a step forward.

“Honk!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel’s knowledge of mortal life forms can be summarized with that one meme where a guy points at a butterfly asking if it’s a pigeon.
> 
> Disclaimer: You can't actually bite people in the Untitled Goose Game. But geese can bite you and I think if anyone would get bitten it's Gabriel.  

> 
> Jehudiel is an (arch)angel that's often depicted with a crown in one hand and a whip in the other (one symbolizing a reward from god and the other punishment for sinners). 
> 
> Also, I feel like I need to point out that I don't think the goose is evil. I think it's neither good nor evil. It's an unstoppable force of nature that irritates people for its amusement.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day Crowley and Aziraphale were sitting on a bench in St. James Park, enjoying the warmth of the spring sun. At least the angel was. Crowley had been vibrating with anticipation the entire day. It was starting to get slightly irritating.

“My dear, would you please tell me what’s getting you so antsy?” Aziraphale gave the serpent a stern look. “Your nervous behavior is becoming a bit of a nuisance.”

“Patience, angel.” Crowley grinned widely, his leg bouncing up and down. He glanced at his watch. “It should be here any second now.” Holding up his fingers he started counting down. “In exactly three, two, one…” With a quiet ‘pop’ a newspaper appeared and landed in his lap. “There it is!”, the demon exclaimed, scanning the articles. He let out a snort. “Hah! Would you look at that! The story even made it on the cover!”

“What?” Aziraphale leaned over to him and frowned. “Is that the _Celestial Observer?_ I thought my subscription had been cancelled.”

“I have my sources.” Still grinning Crowley pulled the newspaper further to his right so the angel could take a look. “Read this!”

Aziraphale shuffled closer. _Heaven under attack – The Great Goose of Terror_

He frowned. “Crowley, what is this?”

The angel took the newspaper, scanning the cover and trying to ignore Crowley who was giggling so much he could barely sit upright anymore.

On March 21 (Earth Time) a wild goose broke into Heaven causing havoc wherever it went, earning itself the nickname „The Great Goose of Terror“… Witnesses tell us about a white shadow running through the streets of the Silver City… At this point in time it is not yet clear how the animal managed to infiltrate Heaven.

Aziraphale blinked. “Is that what was in the box?”

Pressing his lips together to try and remain serious Crowley nodded. “Gave it a few charms to make it immune against attacks and miracles then sent it Up there.”

The two looked at each other. Then they both burst out laughing.

“Just defensive charms?”, Aziraphale asked.

“Uh-huh.” Crowley nodded enthusiastically.

“So you’re telling me… a completely normal earth goose… did all of this?”, the angel panted, waving the newspaper around before continuing to laugh. “A single goose threw all of Heaven, with thousands of angels at its disposal, into absolute chaos?”

“Yup.” The demon was cackling. “Did more damage in one day than Hell managed in 6000 years!”

They laughed again, the angel wiping away a tear. “Ah… I must say, this was quite the scheme you’ve hatched out, you wily old serpent.”

The demon let out a sigh, calming down. “They had it coming.”

Suddenly Aziraphale shifted. “I just hope your little friend made it out unscathed…”

“You mean that little friend?” Crowley pointed towards the pond where a large, white goose was swimming around, honking happily and wiggling its tail feathers at them when it noticed they were watching it. Around its neck the bird was wearing a shiny, golden crown with red jewels attached to it.

The angel laughed again, taking Crowley’s hand. “I’d say the mission was a complete success then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that the goose's adventures in Heaven (and Hell) have come to an end.  
How this came to happen is up to your imagination. Maybe somewhere in Tadfield Adam is currently playing the Goose Game with shiny eyes. Or maybe Crowley just found a mischievous looking goose and asked it: "Aren't you tired of being nice? Don't you just want to go ape shit?" You decide.  
On a different note, I don't think any mortal can just waltz into the building where the escalators to Heaven and Hell are. But the International Express Man can. He can get anywhere to deliver his packages. It's his superpower.
> 
> I apologize for my unimpressive drawing skills, the pictures and the article in general were the main reason the completion of this story took so long. I based its appearance on the Celestial Observer newspaper Aziraphale is holding on the bus in episode 1. I couldn't quite see what exactly the bars at the top were supposed to be so I made them stained glass and used the wikipedia stained glass picture to make it. I don't think it actually is stained glass in the show, but I had to put something there and I'm not skilled enough to make something original.  
In addition to writing the article I also had to post it somewhere so I could include it here so I had to make a tumblr account and a new email just for this one picture. I hope it's possible to read everything. If not, maybe the tumblr version is better (or if you just want to get a better look and zoom out a bit): https://mostdefinitelynotachicken.tumblr.com/post/188770467140/the-fake-celestial-observer-article-to-my
> 
> On a completely unrelated note, for those who are curious, my story about Beelzebub and Gabriel is slowly taking shape. It's still faaaaar from being done, but my notes about it are beginning to grow and become more and more detailed so it starts to look like it has a realistic chance of becoming an actual thing :D


End file.
